Is that a butt?

Alexis Self Portrait

Alexis, Self Portrait.

By Js Kendrick


So…I came across a butt tonight. Kind of took me by surprise actually. I had originally planned to write about kids asking those “Why is the sky blue?” questions, had a funny story about my second oldest, Kayla, when she was about 8 asking me where blood came from (specifically where did it originally come from. Bone marrow, apparently, was not the answer). I had a cute angle and all. Needed a picture to go with it. So I searched my photos.

That was a mistake.

“Whoa wait! Is that a butt? Are you bleeping serious?!” I said to my laptop as I looked at the picture. My laptop didn’t answer me, just sat there on my kitchen table, showing me the incriminating evidence. I had to cock my head sideways to make sure I wasn’t overreacting. No, it was a butt.

This wasn’t a cute butt, nor a sexy butt, not even a famous butt. It was a blurry butt of my daughter Alexis. Taken a good year or so back. I have a hunch she had help from a certain little brother. That or she understands my phone better than I do, which wouldn’t shock me either.

This butt must go!

Of course I deleted it, noting the message popping up warned me it would be deleted off my cloud too. You’re darn right I want it off the cloud! ‘Click’ / Delete.

Then I scoured the endless photos I have. I have quite a few photos, no, I have zillions. Quite a few of them blurry and well of very odd and artistic angles. Mostly close-ups of my younger children. Some of stuffed animals and of course of our two cats and dog.

I didn’t take those pictures. Yet I looked at them. I wondered.

[Cue Gears Grinding in my head].

“So…they take my phone to play games, then take pictures, make silly videos, and this stuff is synched with my cloud, which is synched to my laptop…”

I had blurry butt pictures. They are getting smarter. This is a major issue with children, the older they get, the smarted they seem to get. Damnit.

“So what will they do next? Start uploading pictures to the web? Um, can they do that? Not sure I could.” My brow furrowed. The gears ground to a halt.

Okay I’m pretty sure I am safe for now. They do have tablets, yet we of course put blockers on them. Even on my phone, for say YouTube. And we try to keep on top of it, but yeah, they are getting smarter. So…yeah, going to have to figure it out.

This is not my fathers camera. My dad had a Polaroid. It used film. If I took a picture I used film, that was found out. That went over…poorly.

Now, I can take as many pictures as I want on my phone, same with their tablets. My little Nexters have their Millennial siblings beat hands down. I was freaked when my older two played games and talked to strangers (They called them ‘other players’ sure…) and used web cams. They were over 18 at the time, still, dad here.

But what now? They are only 9 and 6. What do I have to combat in 5 years time? We already do all the ‘internet safety’ discussions. The ‘sometimes the little skits on YouTube that feature little toys are not always meant for little eyes’ talks.

We do our best, be as vigilant, as parental, as possible. Then I get photos of blurry butts on my phone. Seriously?

I should point out that I am a big believer in technology. I find it fantastic. I can get the weather anytime I want, know what is going on in the world, converse with friends that live thousands of miles away, read about anything and everything. For me? A baby boomer who grew up with 3 channels and computers the size of warehouses? This day and age is just…awesome!

Except for blurry butts.

Blurry butts I can do without.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s